The Mental Load

It was one morning in mid-December, and I asked my husband, “Sweetie, did you call your sister to tell her we aren’t going to make it for the Christmas party?”

“Oh, shoot, no. I’ll call her later today.”

And the mental load piles up.

See, there’s this little box in my head that has been overflowing for weeks. In it, there are these small imaginary pieces of paper, each containing a thought, and until that thought is somehow resolved, it remains in the pile.

Do you want to see what this looks like on a typical day for me? Let’s start from the moment I drop the kids off at school since anything before that is just complete mayhem.

I grab my phone.

Let me check the calendar to see what we have going on over the next week.

To-do: “Book Coach meeting tomorrow.”

Follow-up Thought: Okay.

“Pajama Day for Maddox tomorrow.”

Okay, easy. I’ll put his pajamas out now so I don’t forget.

Oh wait, not easy. All his pajamas are old and stained, and his only new pair needs to be washed. I have to do laundry later. I set a reminder to put his pajamas out after laundry.

“Jackson to wear a Disney shirt at school on Thursday.”

I run upstairs to his closet. Crap! No Disney shirts. I need to order one today so it gets here on time. I go on Amazon where there are an ungodly number of t-shirt options. Oh my God, just choose one! I order one. Dammit! That one comes too late! I cancel and re-order another one.

“Maddox has a play date with school tomorrow.”

Well, that’s not happening. Delete.

“Return the gift I bought for my dad since it’s too small.”

I’ll do that on the way to Maddox’s school when I pick him up.

Update: there were four people ahead of me, so I had to do it on the way back from Maddox’s school.

“Dinner with my Nutley girls Thursday night.”

This I’m actually excited for!

“Jackson to wear a holiday sweater on Friday.”

Oh this f’in school.

Okay, that took forty-five minutes and now I have two hours left before I have to pick Maddox up.

Time to work on my book. Let me think. What do I have to do?

“Finalize Cover Art.”

I email the cover artist for an update. Check!

“Write Amazon Book Description.”

I need at least two hours to do this and I still have to do chores. I put this on hold.

“Finish setting up the website.”

I work on it for an hour and complete my introduction post. Okay, that makes me feel a little better.

Okay, chores next. I have thirty minutes. I’ll guess I’ll do the laundry now.

Dammit, we’re out of detergent. Gotta run to the store to grab some when I go shopping, otherwise Maddox is wearing his ketchup-stained pajamas to school.

I walk to the kitchen.

Ugh, the sink is full and half the dishes need to be hand-washed.

Do they really though? I throw all of them into the dishwasher and walk to the bedroom.

There is dog hair all over the carpet.

I debate: I either leave it and feel stressed everytime I walk into the room, or I just do it now.

I vacuum.

It’s 12:40pm already? Time to pick Maddox up.

From this point on, everything I do involves a whining three-year-old in the background. I get in the car with Maddox.

Okay, let me run to the grocery store.

I spend an hour in the store and grab enough food for the week. I am gifted with a surprisingly happy Maddox. Then, when I get home, I spend thirty minutes unpacking the groceries during which time all I hear is, “MOMMMMYYYYY.”

Oh shit, I never bought laundry detergent! Sorry, Maddox.

Oh crap! It’s 3pm. Time to pick Jackson up from school.

I wait in the pick-up line for fifteen minutes while Maddox screams, “MOVE!” from the backseat. We get home and I unpack their bags.

Okay, what else do I have to do today?

I have to wrap Christmas gifts. Can’t do that when the kids are home.

Where ARE the kids?

I hear a scream from the basement. Dammit! I run down.

Kids are fine – Jackson stole Maddox’s toy.

Oooh, I forgot to feed the fish.

It’s been four months. How is this thing still alive?

I have to start dinner soon.

Do we have anything defrosted? Not like the kids will eat anything I make anyway.

Did I even eat today?

Why do I have 76 text messages?

Ooh, I forgot to email my book coach the final draft.

“MOMMY CAN YOU PLAY WITH US?”

My husband signs off from work. That should help.

“MOMMY I WANT MILK!”

“Sweetie, can you get Jackson milk? I’m working on the email to my book coach.”

“Sweetie, can you grab the packages from the front door? I’m cleaning up the milk Jackson spilled.”

“MOMMY, I WANT A SNACK!”

“Sweetie, can you get Maddox a snack? I’m helping Jackson with homework.”

When was the last time I showered?

“Sweetie, can you watch the kids while I shower?”

Oh, nevermind, it’s time to cook dinner.

“Sweetie, can you set the table for me while I cook?”

I make burgers.

“I HATE BURGERS, MOM!”

“Sweetie, can you clean up the dishes tonight? I’ll get the bath ready.”

Crap, I have to make their lunches for tomorrow.

Okay, time for the kids’ bath.

I spend twenty minutes trying to get Jackson into the tub.

“Who wants to watch tv!?”

Did I turn the oven off?

Oh crap! I forgot to put out Maddox’s pajamas for tomorrow.

“Okay, time for bed!”

Thank the LORD!

I lay in bed and my eyes barely stay open. I turn to my husband.

“Hey, did you call your sister?”

“Oh shoot, no sorry. I’ll do it tomorrow.”