3 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
Over the years, I’ve been in my share of relationships both toxic and…well…non-toxic. Looking back though, it wasn’t always apparent to me when I was in an unhealthy relationship, so I figured I would share some thoughts on what I’ve learned over the years.
And it’s true. I myself never actually believed I had been in an actual toxic relationship, but then, and after consulting (the obviously trustworthy) ChatGPT more recently, I now know I have been in at least two or three. And again, I am not a therapist, so any thoughts are my own…
…and ChatGPT’s.
Sign #1: Manipulation
Manipulation requires a sense of control from the manipulator. The thing about manipulation is that you probably won’t know you’re being manipulated unless someone else witnesses it and then spells it out clearly for you. And even then, you may not see it. Let me give you an example.
You’re on a beach listening to Nirvana…
You know what? Let me give you another example. (Read my book, Stretched, for reference).
You’re in your bedroom getting ready to go out with your other half for the night. You are excited, curling your hair perfectly or patting your face with aftershave (whatever you guys do). It’s 6:30pm and you’re supposed to meet up at 7pm. The next thing you know, you receive a text message.
“I can’t make it tonight. I’m sorry, but we’ll plan something for next week!”
You put your phone down because one, your heart is broken, and two, you don’t know what to say. A little while later, while the anger starts to build, you pick up your phone and write back.
“You really hurt my feelings. Can we talk?”
He or she responds – an hour later, of course – with, “Wow, you’re being really sensitive about this. It’s no big deal. I guess I’m just a terrible person then, huh?”
I think you get it.
Gaslighting falls into this category too. If you don’t know what gaslighting means (which I thought I did, but didn’t until it actually happened to me), just ask yourself, “Have I ever said, ‘am I overreacting’ or ‘did I remember that wrong’?” If your answer is “yes”, then you’ve probably been gaslit.
Sign #2: Going from Very Loving to Very Distant
This one is pretty self-explanatory. One minute, your S.O. is telling you how much they love your toenails…
…and the next, they have plans (without you) for the next 47 weeks. You keep questioning the relationship and you can’t figure it out. Do they want this relationship to work?
Spoiler alert: they don’t.
Sign #3: Disrespect for Boundaries
There was one time I went to dinner years ago with a friend of mine. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and had a very nice time but during the entire dinner, she would get text messages from her boyfriend, saying “Why aren’t you answering?” and “Who are you with?”
At the time, she thought it was cute. He showed her he was interested and made her feel loved. But then, it started happening every time she went out, and eventually, she ended things.
And I’m not going to write this post without saying I’ve been guilty of this in my younger years. I’m sure most people have been to an extent at some point in their lives. But if you recognize any of these signs in your current relationship, maybe it’s for the best that you not stay in it.
So, tell me, have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Comment below!
